An Education

After three months of pseudo-awakenings and cold, cold nights, I've learned a few things. This is my first experience with this thing they call "summer:" months of loneliness, productiveness, fun or pure inebriation. It's had its emotional ups and downs, and has definitely been one for the record books. A World Cup, demi-job and 15 pounds later, I have ten life lessons to take back with me across the Atlantic.

1) People change. You can never expect to leave things just as they were. Relationships are molded by the growth and interaction of the people involved. What do I mean by this? When a relationship is paused for a considerable amount of time, it becomes damn near impossible to press play. So often, pubescent relationships are built on the here and now (who you go to school with, what you do on the weekends). However, once we reach adulthood (or pre-adulthood, to say the least) and the trivial falls away, what is left? Awkward silences and unsaid frustrations. Because I no longer have the patience or the time for superficial relationships, so many of my friendships here in Johannesburg have become stagnant, predictable and/or non-existent. The lesson? Move on. Some friendships are best left as memories.

2) I really do love South Africa.  The World Cup made me realize that this place is my one and only home. As much as I have fought and questioned my identity as a product of Mzansi, I can't refute the fact that almost all of who I am and how I see the world comes as a result of this country. Of being different and the same. At this moment, ngiyazi ukuthi ngingumtwana kaNingizimu Afrika. Ayoba muhfuckerrs.

3) I love my family, as totally, ridiculously fucked up as we are.

4) An obsession with the idea of love is an avoidance of, or overcompensation for the reality of love. After an entire school year of obsessing, crying and hurting over not being loved, I realized that the desperation was really a subconcious attempt to deal with the overwhelming self-hatred that burned beneath my heartbeat. Once I took the time to look in the mirror [cliche alert!] and figure out what the FUCK I was doing/wanted to do/did, my internal chorus of "Bleeding Love" quieted down. It's great and all to be swept off your feet, but how possible/enjoyable is it when you're incapable of standing on them in the first place?

5) Enrolling at Columbia College was, hands down, the best decision I ever made. It's been great being home, but I could never have grown up or become the person that I am [which is a person that I am growing to love] if I had stayed here.

6) [tied to number 5] The people that I have chosen to surround myself with at Columbia are amazing individuals. Talented, loving and just that little bit fucked up - what else could you want in a friend? Between facetious Facebook banter, crazy Skype chats and covert midnight phone calls in the dark, I have been constantly reassured that I have people that love and support me, no matter how far away I am. That is incredibly special.

7) How to bake an apple pie from scratch. Yum.

8) At the end of the day, the choices you make are yours to live with. I see it in my family, and I see it in myself. Ultimately, no one is going to give you anything. Most people have their parents give it to them for awhile, or have money to hide behind, but in the end, your life is your life. And when all that falls away, what do you have left? I refuse to be a victim of my circumstance any longer. I will do what needs to be done to do me. Point blank period.

9) Just because it's a South African winter, does not mean it is not winter. Which means you should bring a decent coat and pair of shoes. I have been freezing for 12 weeks.

10) Being me is pretty rad. It's hard to remember at times, but I live I life that most people dream of. So I best stop complaining and live it.