Sunday Worship

It's cold outside
So cold
Time stops.
A rainy Sunday
I prune the last of last night's greenery
Lift the blinds on my purple haze
To let the sunshine in on dark, cold days and
I think - thoughts of thinking
Thoughts, like blinking,
incongruous and constant
they run
through and around me

in my mind's eye I see him
them
all of them
their eyes
in them I see me
my heart beats
my heart breaks
I sit and wonder
just what it'll take for you
TO
SEE

if the blind lead the blind
then where does it start for me?
If I'm
wrapped in disillusionment
just when will you see?
when will I be -
enough

the rain keeps falling
and all I can feel is the constance of it all
the rain will fall
and fall
and fall

and I'm starting to think that I'll never know
what comfort is
what is to smile and not wait for the pain to return
for me, happiness is a vacation
a break
but it not constant and it doesn't stay

you've stained me
all of you
and I keep trying to wash you out
bent over
knee deep in tears

I almost miss the pain
at least then I could feel
feel your breath on my shoulder and your hand in mine
imprinted
now
there's nothing

And I wonder if it's worth it
if you'd ever understand
that I did all that I could
And i'm doing the best that I can

that i'm trying to find my heartbeat
I lost it in your smile
I wish that you could hear me
and pretend that you love me a while

it won't stop
the rain
not for me
never for me

i hope night comes soon
I'll fade away
Lose myself in the shades of grey
and not your touch

and maybe if i lose myself
in the black of half past night
maybe then i'll lose you
and maybe i'll be alright